Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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