Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
