Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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