Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
