he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
