we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
