your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
