On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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