I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
