Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
