I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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