I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
