In the future we'll all be gay
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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