Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
