I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
