Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
