After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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