Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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