its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
