also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
