At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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