she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
