Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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