Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
