He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
