Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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