tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
