Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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