Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
