Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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