Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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