I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
