I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
