I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
