Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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