Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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