I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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