Your face is a jimmy john
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
