oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
