I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
