just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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