pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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