please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
