But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
