i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Did I show you my penis last night?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
