when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
