I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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