You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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