thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
