this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
