new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
